Miles On My Heart

It slips through my fingers like sand. I can’t seem to hold it long enough. I get a handful and then it’s gone. Gone like a minnow fleeing any slight movement in the water. 

A feeling so strong but so delicate. It’s a feeling I didn’t expect to have, it came by surprise. Desire overwhelms me and I can’t help but wonder where this will go. One day I have hope, the next day I am hopeless. I’m never sure. Unsure of everything. I hold back when really I want to pour out all I have. Fill the cup to the brim. It shouldn’t be so hard, but my determination comes easy. Chasing a feeling, chasing a place that I know could be so good. 

My trust is wavering. Inconsistencies give me self-doubt. I have been unloved before and my tender heart can’t help but feel unworthy. There are so many things I want to say, but I second guess every word. I blame myself when things go silent. 

I should probably give up. Walk away and keep searching for what I need, because I am worth more than waiting for when it’s convenient. My energy should be sacred. But instead, I do everything I’m not supposed to do.

Deep down my heart knows love exists and I know my heart will be loved again some day. It’s a heart worth loving. In due time. Paying my dues and practicing patience. Giving up is easy, but I prefer the hard road. I can only quit when I know I’ve given all I’ve got and there is nothing left.

Time is a funny thing and it passes by like a cool ocean breeze. Each day is a new chance to feel that breeze and pray for sunshine and fulfillment. It doesn’t always come, but I know that it exists. But how much time needs to pass to get to the place I want to be? How much longer do I need to keep going? How many miles will I put on my heart? My tank is nearly on empty. Frustration grows more and more as time goes by, and I do my best to not let it fester. But I’m weak sometimes. And sometimes I cry. 

I can’t always hold it together. Sometimes I get angry. Mostly it’s sadness that consumes me. My feelings are overwhelming and I know things could be so good if I just had the chance I need to prove it. I could be the missing puzzle piece but this puzzle doesn’t want to be finished. I know who I am and what I have to offer. I am comfortable in my own company. I need more than myself. I need tender touches and soft kisses. I need passionate conversation and magic moments. I crave connection. I want excitement.

Maybe one day I’ll breakthrough the wall that is built so strongly. Maybe one day the puzzle will be complete. Maybe one day my efforts will be worth it and my patience will pay off. Until then, I’ll keep faith that what is meant to be will be because in the end, faith is all there is.

I’m practicing patience. But my patience is wearing thin.

LIFE: How to deal with a full plate of it

SO much to do, never enough time to do it all! Ah!

No. Truth is, we always make time for the things we want to. But it can become overwhelming when so many people or responsibilities are trying to take a piece of you all at once.

I work full-time, go to school part-time, and I have family, friends and a boyfriend of almost 3 years who all mean the world to me and whom I love to hang out with - and I feel like although I don't always balance it all, I do a good job at keeping my sanity.

So, of course I decided to put together a list of things that have helped me manage it all to the best of my ability:

1. Meditation or yoga, or both
Yes, it's kind of cliché, but it works. I'm no guru, but I can tell you one thing - there's nothing like taking a little time to focus on your mind, to take a moment to collect your thoughts, and to work at easing any craziness that may be going on up there. I like to meditate on my way home from work while sitting in traffic. I just breathe and take time to not think about my problems or to-do list.

Yoga is new to me, and I'm loving it. I just YouTube some beginner's yoga videos and choose ones specifically about relaxing or stress relief, like this beginners series from PsycheTruth. I display it on my TV, and bam - instant yoga. It's done wonders for my anxiety and stress, like seriously. It doesn't even need to be a long session; 20-30 minutes is what I do, but even a quick 10-15 minute session helps.

2. Plan ahead and keep a schedule
"Fail to plan, and you plan to fail." More clichéness, but so very true. So, at the start of my school semester, I always write down every single assignment, test or paper that I'll be doing throughout the term. I make a schedule of the days I'll be doing work for each class.

I also strategically plan out my family time, boyfriend time, and friend time. I basically make my plans at least 2 or more weeks in advance. Sometimes I even book an entire month of plans in advance. I always schedule time to do homework or write a paper down to the very minute I will work on it, and then around that I'll decide what days I will spend with my family, what days I'll spend with my boyfriend, and what days I'll have my girls' night. I also make sure to schedule some time for myself in which I like to catch up on TV shows (like Once Upon a Time and New Girl).

3. Prioritize and learn how to say NO!
This is maybe the most important part. Sometimes, you may feel like everyone is tugging at you from all directions. That can be so stressful, and that's when you need to take a step back and prioritize the situation. Decide what or who is most important at the time, what needs your attention most, and what or who can wait.

After prioritizing, you need to get the hang of saying 'no' when you need to. You can't please everyone all the time, and you can't have time to do everything at once. It's OKAY to say no to that dinner party with the girls, or to tell your boyfriend you won't be able to see him that day because you have a paper due. If they love you, they will understand. Anyone who doesn't respect your schedule and time, can go fly a kite. Real people will always be around, even if they have to wait, and will always be supportive of you.



I really hope some of these tips will help you if you ever feel overwhelmed as I often have. It's an on-going process for me, and I work every single day towards controlling my stress and managing my time effectively, so I can enjoy everyone and everything in my life.


Do you have any life management tips that have helped you? Please share! I'm always looking for new methods of managing my madness.



<3, VA

5 signs your job is like a bad romantic relationship

When it comes to being in a relationship, it's important that you love or like the person for real, otherwise you'll have to put in work on a daily basis to keep your sanity. If you really love/like the person and enjoy their company, then it's a piece of cake because it's something that you enjoy to do and will come naturally, and will also fill you with joy and happiness and blah blah blah.

The same goes for your job. When you enjoy doing something (or someone, hehe), then it's not going to be "work" for you. I define "work" as being something that requires a lot of time, energy and causes a lot of stress, but does not make you happy. The only thing about a bad job that makes you happy is being done for the day; the only thing about a bad relationship that makes you happy is also being done for the day. It's basically just a routine, and you stick with it because you're comfortable. Like those great health benefits they offer, or sex benefits, whatever. Well actually, if the sex is really, really good then it may be worth sticking around.

On the other hand, when your passion becomes your job, you really won't have to work a day in your life, because you will be happy to do what you do. You'll look forward to doing it every single day, because that's love, baby. Sure, there will still be challenges and hard times, but when you love what or who you do, then it's worth it and you're HAPPY to go through it all.

I feel like a lot of people in bad relationships, whether it be romantic or professional, may not even realize they are in one. So, I put together a few warning signs that maybe you're dating a bad job:

1. You're expected to be psychic, all of the time.
Your boss expects you to always know what they expect of you, but they fail to give you any clear direction whatsoever. There is a huge difference between taking initiative and being proactive, and being psychic. If you want to be proactive, you need to at least have SOME sort of idea of what is needed.

2. You're job is clingy. SO clingy
You work hourly, but are expected to stay late and come in early, anything to get the job done, despite the fact that you're not a salary employee and so it will cost them overtime. They don't care. They want you in the office at all times, and basically would have you live there if you could.

3. You're constantly being put down, never praised
And nothing you do is ever good enough, like everrrrr. Your boss or colleagues only see your faults, mistakes, and less than perfect moments. All that good work you do? Yea, that means nothing. All the positive contributions you made? Again, NOTHING.

4. You have to force a smile and the bad mood is permanent
 If you have to give yourself a self-motivating pep talk every morning just to get yourself out of bed and off to work, then yea...that's a problem. It's even worse when not even that pep talk helps, and you find yourself constantly hating life between the hours of 8am-6pm.

5. They only care about themselves, no interest in how you are doing
If you can't remember the last time your boss asked you, "how are you doing?" then it's a problem. It doesn't matter how high your boss' status is; there is no excuse to not check in with their direct reports on a regular basis. A boss who remembers your name, your accomplishments, and genuinely cares how you're doing in your job and if you're happy with it, is a boss worth keeping. All others, not so much.


No job, boyfriend, friend, family member is perfect. Relationships will never be perfect. But that doesn't mean you have to settle for bad treatment. If any of these warning signs have hit you close to home, it might be time to start visiting monster.com.

Have you ever had a job that was like a bad relationship? I wanna know all about it! Tell me in the comments below!

Have a beautiful day <3


Cheers - Vanessa A.

Micki Song Cosmetics - if you don't know, now you know!

From left to right: Drunk N' Love, Killer Queen, Berry Pretty

Hello beautiful friends!

Today I want to take a moment to share my opinions on some fabulous lipsticks by Micki Song Cosmetics!

First and foremost, let me give a little intro to this amazing up-and-coming cosmetics brand. Micki Song Cosmetics launched earlier this year, first with just a few select colors of opaque, matte lipsticks. In the last few months, she has continued to grow her line and has added many more colors in matte and cream formulas, as well as some gorgeous liquid lipsticks. Seriously, she must be doing something right if she has had such growth in less than a year!

Now, let's get into the review! Spoiler: It's all pros, no cons.

Sunshine she's here, you can take a break...

Tuesday Yogi tea time!

"Love your soul." - Yogi Tea

Hi world!  Hope you're all having a great day/week/month/year! Life is good, even when it's bad. Never forget that.

So, my latest obsession has been with Yogi tea! Not only do I love the tea itself - SO yum - but I just love the fun perk of gaining a bit of motivation or positive pick-me-ups every time I drink it. And since, of course, I love me some motivation and positivi-tea (lol), I decided to share my Yogi "Teaspirations" with my blog world.....